Samityville's Worst Films of 2009!

Afternoon, cretans!

Well, on the opposite end of the spectrum not everything was peachy in the final year of the decade, as 2009 also proved to cough up some mighty horrid celluloid nightmares (and not in the good sense of the word), many of these worthy of sacrificial bonfire burnings. Living in Australia, however, we still have not yet received all titles currently available in the U.S and thus it was somewhat difficult to compile a Bottom 10 turd list. Featured here instead is a Bottom 5, each an abomination to the word 'horror' as we know it.



5. Twilight: New Moon



Okay, I understand it may be a little bit of a stretch including this in a list of horror movies - good, bad or otherwise - but this hopelessly melodramatic teeny wet-dream still features vampires, no matter how much they may sulk or sparkle. Right from the get-go the movie makes its agenda abundantly clear: sacrifice any and all filmmaking integrity known to man and instead cater to the naive' lusts of high school girls in the most predictable, by-the-book soap opera possible. Horrible performances, cringe-worthy dialogue and some of the worst CGI creature renditions in recent memory, this is one sequel who's success is sold purely on its 'hot' young cast...and nothing more. Bring on Eclipse . Not!

4. My Bloody Valentine 3D



Another inclusion which will probably have me burned at the stake by most genre fans is this slasher redux, made distinguishable from the original by its three dimensional gimmickry. However, it is precisely this marketing ploy that most felt made the movie the success that is was that I had the most problem with. For me any sincerity the film may have had was swiftly done away with through use of the goofy 4th-wall defying technology, resulting in a groan-fest, NOT a gore-fest. Sure, Tom Atkins' Sheriff, the 8 minute nude sequence, practical make-up effects and old-school sensibility were much appreciated but all ended up being severely undermined as a result. And it didn't help much either that Jensen Ackles spent half the movie in a perplexed daze or that the final 'twist' is by far the dumbest excuse for a movie massacre since...I don't know. It's just plain dumb.

3. Orphan



Were it not for Isabelle Fuhrman's sharp performance and the ludicrous twist at the end then maybe this would have been closer to being number 1. Matter of fact, the movie is worth the price of a rental based on its sheer idiocy alone. Final revelations aside, this irritating, painfully formulaic killer kid movie telegraphed every plot turn and character motivation so far in advance there was practically no point in sticking around - even for the revenge-driven finale. Ultimately it's up to you whether or not you can forgive the insanely long running time, Peter Sarsgaard's languid performance or even the fact that no one in the movie seemed to think that a 9-year old Russian girl who paints impressively, plays classical music, dresses in conservative 30's attire and likes to watch her adopted parents have sex is just a tad...odd.

2. The Unborn



David S. Goyer the screenwriter is far more adept than David S. Goyer the director. Or so it would seem thus far in his career. His written work on films such as Dark City, Batman Begins and The Dark Knight have all been terrific examples of strong storytelling and a specific vision adhering to the laws of cinema, however things always seem to flounder when it comes to helming a feature of his own. Case in point: The Unborn . This premature nightmare is riddled with plot holes, contrived story turns, poor pacing - even a 'homage' to The Exorcist spider-walk that instead comes of as a straight rip off. There are many other problems with the film but the real tragedy is Goyer's insistence on taking potentially interesting ideas and sugar coating them so thickly that they only appeal to the widest audience possible. As a filmmaker, Goyer is capable of A LOT better.

1. The Final Destination



I have never - I repeat - NEVER wanted to walk out of a cinema more than during the session I attended of The Final Destination . How New Line Cinema, director David R. Ellis or any of the cast and crew could have possibly thought they were making a remotely good movie with this the 4th (and final?) entry in the immensely lucrative franchise is beyond me. Ham-fisted, senseless and completely deviod of any excitement or cinematic trickery - in spite of the cockamamie 3D - this is easily the worst in the series and surely spells a nail in the coffin for the grim reaper-avenging gimmick. At least Glen Morgan and James Wong's 2000 original sustained a nice atmosphere and the subsequent sequels showcased some remarkably innovative kills. This monstrosity, however, made the pre-feature commercials seem more entertaining.

What say you, cretans?

Samityville's Best Films of 2009!

Evening cretans!

Well, another year has come and gone faster than you can say "Twihard!". On the genre scene 2009 followed previous years' habits by being a year heavy on remakes, sequels and other such franchise money munchers. It would also be the year 3D would prove itself to the major studios, finally capturing the ever-bulging wallets of Pixar, Paramount and New Line among others, eliciting executives to dish out more production dollars into the now immensely popular screen format. The foreign market would also play a part in releasing some of the most astonishing horror output in years as well as the occasional sensation originating from America's home turf. The good, the bad and the ugly...2009 had a little of everything in bloody spades.

But what exactly was worth watching? Or avoiding for that matter? Compiled here is the first half of a two-part installment: Samityville's Best & Worst Films of 2009 .

Let's start with the gems!



10. Last House on the Left (remake)



Believe it or not but this was one remake actually worthy of serious attention...but hardly anyone saw it! When word first emerged online fans of Wes Craven's original largely condemned the very thought of giving the notorious 1972 nasty the remake treatment. However, what resulted is a surprisingly intelligent, confronting and highly effective expansion on the themes explored in the original, albeit with a ridiculous final scene that reeks of studio interference. And while Garret Dillahunt may not be as imposing a Krug as David Hess' creation, this version remains as brutal and uncompromising as its predecessor and a great example of how to use character motivation to fuel violence, whether justified or otherwise.

9. Zombieland



Not since the release of Edgar Wright's fan favorite Shaun of the Dead has there been a horror comedy possessive of the same charm, witt and sheer delight anywhere in theaters or on DVD. That is until Ruben Fleischer gave us this wonderfully energetic zombie romp, fully of terrific performances, great action, references galore ("Bill-fuckin-Murray!") and jokes that actually are funny. Seeing this in a theater with a huge crowd is definitely the way to go, especially with Metallica's 'For Whom the Bell Tolls' playing over the opening credits!

8. Splinter



Starved we have been of old-school siege flicks, until Toby Wilkins sneaked in this neat little creatre feature into the festival circuit and then onto DVD. It's knowingness and respect for the simplicity of films like The Thing, Tremors and others fused with a genuinely unique monster all its own made this independent debut a great attention grabber and Wilkins a talent to watch.

7. Drag Me to Hell



Raimi returns! Or so said the tongues of most fans upon the successful reception of this his first horror film in 15 years. The imagination and tongue-in-cheek sensibilities of the director's Evil Dead days ran rife in this highly entertaining horror/comedy that showed both a maturity in Raimi's filmmaking as well as a return to familiar styles of the outrageous and the absurd. While nothing wholly original or groundbreaking, the film is a total blast from start to finish and showcases an excellent lead performance by Alison Lohman as well as that of her onscreen nemesis Lorna Raver. Old-school fun indeed.

6. Pontypool



Bruce Macdonald's highly anticipated zombie-esque talk-a-thon was a real treat for those who managed to catch it in theaters amid its festival run. With one of the year's best lead performances courtesy of Stephen McHattie, the film is both unnerving and hilarious in equal doses and a delightfully unusual trip, almost to the point of being unclassifiable in its complexity. I'd recommend this guaranteed cult oddity to almost anyone, so long as you have a strong patience and appreciation for 'the word'.

5. REC



With handycam-verite' style horror flicks being produced to the point of insanity ( The Blair Witch Project, Cloverfield, Paranormal Activity , etc) it's become somewhat hard to sift through the good and the bad, as many seem to use the medium as merely an attempt to be 'arty'. But when the method is used as a legitimate means to enhance the storytelling and not simply a political statement the results can be undeniably effective, as they were here in the Spanish production that preceeded the inevitable Hollywood revisioning just months later. Unrelenting in its pace and immediacy, this is one tale of 'reality captured' that truly hit a nerve and managed to make its virus outbreak conceit frighteningly believable as a result.

4. Let the Right One In



There was a lot of hype surrounding this Swedish vampire pic but thankfully it paid off. Ultimately, this stands as one of the most emotionally resonant vampire movies ever made and actually had you feeling both a genuine affection and overwhelming sadness for its two lead child actors - a rare combination indeed. Easily more thought-provoking, mesmerizing, and visually beautiful than any fanged feature of the last 10 years, this is an excellent movie based on an excellent novel by Swedish author John Lindvist. My only hope is that the 2010 remake doesn't simply trade the emotion for evisceration.

3. Trick 'r Treat



Stranded in distribution hell for longer than anyone can really now gauge, this terrifically off-beat little ode to O'l Hallow's Eve may just challenge John Carpenter's classic as the definitive Halloween -themed film. Sharply editing its multiple story narrative of Creepshow -esque tales into a brisk and energetic package, this really is one horror flick that truly got fucked over by its studio. I implore Warner to learn from its mistakes and to never in the future unjustly reject the audience potential of a film as good as this. Although Mike Dougherty need not worry, for genre fans the world over who have now seen this under-appreciated masterpiece are already calling it a cult favorite.

2. Antichrist



A sledgehammer to the senses. A hauntingly beautiful tragedy. A disturbing psycho-sexual drama. All these things and more can be said about Lars von Trier's 2009 journey into the heart of darkness, but one thing is certain: it CANNOT be ignored. Antichrist challenges your beliefs, emotions and thresholds to the extreme, presenting its audience with a depiction humanity at its best/worst, never sugarcoating the results for a second. The film's symbolism is arguably the heart of its existence and the talented Dutchman makes sure you remember that for days - even weeks afterward. If you don't like what he has to say or show, don't watch it. But for those brave enough to embrace the film and its twisted genius, it's a rewarding one to be sure.

1. Martyrs



The French flay us again. On the surface it may first appear a crimson bathtub so deep your entire body could submerge without assistance but after 80 minutes of almost non-stop torture and degradation of human life, the final revelation so disturbingly conveyed in the climax makes all the hell that preceded it abundantly clear and justified. Whether you can stick with it long enough to absorb the method to its madness, Pascale Laugier's deeply philosophical - almost existential - horror movie is far more than meets the eye and worth the hefty price of on-screen pain it lashes out from start to finish. Performances, visuals and atmosphere are no doubt all striking but it's the core idea being communicated here that makes it so unforgettable and immediately a standout for 2009 horror.

What say you, cretans?

Camera Comeback for Krueger

Morning cretans!

It appears that New Line and Platinum Dunes have been paying attention to the recent test screenings held in LA for their Nightmare redux and have decided to take the film back into production for some reshoots. Updating his blog recently, producer Brad Fuller has stated he will not reveal exactly what is being reshot/added but suffice to say it will hopefully improve on some of the reactions harbored by worrying fans. It's not the first time the Platinum Dunes team have decided to take a film back into the battlefield after mixed testing, in fact they've done it with every film on their resume' thus far! Good sign or bad, we'll all just have to wait until April of next year to find out.



Image courtesy of Bloody Disgusting .

A Nightmare on Elm Street opens April, 2010.

Feaure Length Review: 'My Little Eye' (2002)

‘Reality TV’, for me, is the home entertainment equivalent of being sober at a buck’s party. Why the majority of the world’s viewing population finds such a compulsive interest to follow the lives of (often) painfully irritating people as they bunk together in beach houses, compete for money in phony competitions – even force each other to confront cheating husbands and wives for the sake of public humiliation is beyond me. Many of these shows started out being fairly mundane and naïve in concept and it wasn’t until later years that the envelope was pushed into more exploitive territory, namely the ‘extreme make-over’ category and others. At what point does passive observation cross over into sheer voyeurism? This and other interesting issues are explored in Marc Evan’s highly underrated chiller My Little Eye , an effectively creepy number that somehow escaped a decent theatrical release in 2002, thus never quite reaching its intended audience. A shame, believe me.



THE LOWDOWN: Five strangers are brought together to live for 6 months in an isolated house in the woods as part of a web cast television show. The rules – if anyone leaves, everyone loses. The prize: $1 million. Greedy, guarded and dysfunctional they each possess a dark, personal secret and their own reasons for being there. As the cameras role tensions rise between the group as they are each sent ominous messages from the outside world, poking dangerously at their fears and bringing them to the brink of total paranoia. But are pranks the only thing on the minds of the macabre webcasters? Or is there an even more sinister game being orchestrated for the viewer’s entertainment?



THE TERROR TALE & ITS TIMING: My Little Eye presents the typical ‘Big Brother’ scenario with all the creature comforts removed. Unlike the very slick, cushy production values and commercially-driven mentality of that show the competition environment depicted in the film is quite bare-bones by comparison, never alluding too much attention to itself through use of phony gimmicks or superficial marketing tools. Right from the get-go the webcam verite’ style of multiple mounted cameras prying into the everyday menial lives of young housemates presents an almost painfully ordinary portrait of things to come. Interestingly enough, however, this works in the film’s favor. Through its meticulous re-creation of reality TV conventions fused with a familiar horror formula, an interesting mise en’ scene is created: unnervingly static yet intensely frightening set pieces. Minimalism is the order of the day and this overall mentality greatly heightens the simplicity of David Hilton and James Watkins’ screenplay as a result, one that plays on primal human fears of isolation and being watched by the unknown.



The inevitably introspective and voyeuristic nature of My Little Eye ’s subject matter is without doubt its strongest attribute in crafting the tension and paranoia it so deftly masters – particularly when the real secrets are unveiled come the final reel. The level of anxiety and dread manifested as the stakes are raised is almost unbearable, feelings for the poor and helpless youths entrapped within the mansion’s walls made all the more poignant through their impending doom. In the hands of an otherwise less thoughtful filmmaker, the resulting movie could have been a very shallow exercise in gimmicky horror but thankfully Marc Evans takes full advantage of the lock-down scenario and exploits it to the point of being downright nihilistic and nasty – something I wholly appreciate. The concept at the heart of the story is so disturbing that it would be doing the film a disservice if it were treated with the short sighted cliché’s of Hollywood horror, which is perhaps why the said British production benefits from its foreign interpretation. I personally love going into a cinema and feeling like I’m at the mercy of a filmmaker, never completely protected by my comfort zones and thus vulnerable to emotional disruption. And through the deliberate surveillance and psychological pinpricking of its characters, My Little Eye fucks with your mental reassurances in the best possible way, however manipulative a two-way mirror it may be.



DOOMED CHARACTERS: Much like the personalities you would normally see on your average cookie-cutter reality show, those exhibited in My Little Eye are fashioned after predictable stereotypes we all know and can relate to in real life, as well as being serviceable to the needs of a conventional horror movie (eg, the slut, the jock, the loner, the conservative princess, etc). The opening of the film features a brief ‘casting call’ line-up of each contestant as they partake in candid confessionals with an off-screen interviewer prior to entering the house. This paints a relatively naïve view of each character, unawares of the events that await them until they are forced to come to terms with their corporate captors’ real agenda. This innocence is used to great effect throughout as each character is given an interesting skeleton to bring out of the closet, forcing them to confront not only their own secrets but also the potential invasion of privacy by their fellow housemates that could damage their chances of winning…and surviving. The performances are all very solid and surprisingly impressive across the board, especially those from talented genre regulars Laura Regan ( They, Dead Silence ) and Kris Lemche ( eXistenZ, Ginger Snaps, Final Destination 3 ) who deliver wholly realized portrayals of the anxiety fueling the group’s every move. Not to give too much away but when all is said and done there is an inherent sadness genuine to these characters that makes the horror all the more disturbing when you realize they were all doomed from the very first frame.



THE LOOK OF FEAR: More so than most other movies, the simplicity of circumstances at hand also informs My Little Eye ’s visual approach (the multiple stationary cameras, degraded picture quality, heavy shadows and night-vision, etc). While necessary in order to effectively sell the authenticity of a working webcast for story purposes, Evans and cinematographer Hurbert Taczanowski dig themselves a mighty big hole with regards to being able to generate traditional cinematic suspense, at least from a visual standpoint. The inability to use the camera as a fluid means of creating character point of views, craning exteriors – even the employment of the now-routine Steadicam for smooth action results in an extremely limiting visual toy box for both filmmaker and viewer to appreciate. However, it is precisely these detriments that surprisingly help craft the mounting trepidation beset upon the characters and, luckily, assist in diverting attention away from the film’s otherwise slightly contrived nature. As a viewer of the film you have no choice but to be a virtual spy, peering and leering blatantly at the activities of the housemates in a way that reflects the almost hopeless disinterest of today’s idiot box generation, only here the activity on display takes a slightly more malicious turn. And while aesthetically My Little Eye is interesting in its own right, the initial tingling of anticipation brought on by the sparseness of the location does wear off after a while, even when the red stuff begins to flow.



THE SOUND OF FRIGHT: Equally important to it’s visual palette is My Little Eye ’s subtle yet immensely effective sound design, a contributor of which cannot be overlooked when assessing the film’s merits. Virtually absent of a customary musical score (bar a couple of cues toward the finale), the feverishly creepy sounds that inhabit the interior/exterior of the old house, the strange noises in the basement, the creaky wooden architecture, even the whirring of the cameras as they zoom in on their targets are decidedly creepy and apparent. And while effective in eliciting sudden jolts of surprise, the occasional jarring auditory stings that accompany some moments of terror are a little undermining in their execution of intended suspense, thus making the viewer feel as if they’re being told to feel frightened rather than have it happen as a result of clever filmmaking. Still, this is a minor setback in an otherwise spine-chilling audio tapestry.



FINAL THOUGHTS: Whether you choose to take the film as a pseudo-political satire on the supposed ‘corrupting’ effects of reality television on today’s youth or simply as a creepy horror thriller with an intriguing mode of delivery is entirely up to you. Either way, the intentions behind My Little Eye are genuine and well worth engaging with if you have the chance. The film’s disturbing undercurrents may cause some casual viewers to squirm in their seats a little more than usual, but what exactly do you expect from a film that places YOU behind the camera?

Dir: Marc Evans
Writer: David Hilton
Cast: Sean Cw Johnson, Kis Lemche, Stephen O'Reilly, Laura Regan, Jennifer Sky
Country: UK
Run Time: 95min
Rated: MA+

Retrospective Razors

Morning cretans!

Good retrospective documentaries on film franchises are a dime a dozen. As fans of films like Friday the 13th, Halloween, Hellraiser, Phantasm, Saw and countless others we just can't seem to get enough juicy inside information and specific production details regarding the making of these box-office monsters and DVD special features tend to serve as a great source for unbridled tidbits. However, there have been many so-called 'definitive' making-of documentaries that often treat the most loyal of fans like dimwitted 10 year olds, catering to the lowest common denominator by substituting insightful production history for fluff fan-boy praise. I have not yet watched the recently released His Name Was Jason - an exclusive Friday the 13th retrospective - but from everything I've read and heard it sounds a tad disappointing. Whether or not this is true remains to be confirmed but one thing is for sure; these nostalgic appreciations of undeniable cult classics are a tough task to pull off, regardless of access to resources.

Well, the makers of the Friday documentation are back, this time to catalogue the exploits of a Mr Freddy Krueger in this self-proclaimed ULTIMATE Nightmare on Elm Street documentary. The film is narrated by Freddy's original nemesis Heather Langenkamp and includes interviews with a plethora of both cast and crew involved in bringing the successful franchise to the silver screen. Granted, there have been a few small but interesting pieces made about the series in the past (notably on the region 1 DVD releases) however none have been especially inclusive of the entire creative team, so I'm really interested to hear what those featured in the documentary have to say about their role in the mayhem. This should make for an interesting film to be sure. My only hope is that the final product is intelligent enough not to think us fans simply watched these movies as a result of Freddy making a rap music video on MTV shortly after the release of Nightmare 4 . Yikes.

Check out the teaser poster and trailer below:





Poster courtesy of Amcentertainment .

The film is set for a DVD release in April, 2010.

Crowley is BACK!

Afternoon cretans!

I really should be ashamed of myself for the severe lack of postings lately...in fact I am, so you can all burn me in hell for that.

Anyways, its time for some more horror news and this one is straight of the stove and sure to please any genre fan! Word has been conformed that Adam Green, director of last year's fantastic slasher throwback Hatchet now has a green-lit sequel in the works! Hell yes, Victor Crowley will be making another appearance on your cinema and television screens (although let's hope part 2 gets a wider release than the original) in an all-new reign of bloody 80s-inspired terror. I for one was a huge fan of Green's directorial debut as it fittingly captured so much of what we all love about the slasher days of old, equal parts grue-fest and jokey comedy combined. The sequel re-teams the director with fan favorite Kane Hodder as the mountainous backwoods psychopath, as well as fellow genre vets Tony Todd and R.A Mihailoff (Leatherface from the ill-fated Texas Chainsaw Massacre III ) along with another young cast of nubiles. Yes sir, this is a sequel worth SCREAMING about!

Read the fill story over at Bloody Disgusting .



Hatchet 2 is set for a 2010 release.